You would think that I would be able to resist sin purely for the reason of trying to have a good day. It seems to me that whenever I sin, the rest of my day becomes terrible. Immediately I feel regret and i cant pull out of the death spiral that always comes. Today for example I watched porn, I didnt even put up a fight against the evil one, in fact without feeling much temptation at all I waltzed right into it. For the next few hours I spent in front of the computer watching movies, then I went and played basketball and got terribly frustrated, now i come back to my room to do homework and dont understand a single thing. I hate this feeling of hopelessness. I cant even stand up and fight for what I believe in and i am being punished, rightfully so. I need help and the fact that i am falling into temptation more and more I take to be a sign that I am doing something either very right, or very wrong. I know that with one push I can rid my life of the addiction, I can run right through the wall of sin I have built and truly be held by God. Every day I think that this Salvation is just a day away, and every day i find out Im wrong.
Lord, I suck. I cant do anything right and I am on my knees. I have months until I am married and I feel right now that I wont be able to give myself wholly to my new wife. I feel hopeless that I wont be able to free myself ever. Please come to me Lord and give me the salvation I seek. I am truly sorry for intentionally turning from you so many times and ask for your forgiveness. Please Lord save me. I know Lord that I have the strength inside of me to become victorious, please help me to use that strength that has been given to me by You. Please save me from myself Lord. I sacrifice myself to you.
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